Racer Rankins for Coca Cola 600

Welcome to Racer Rankins for the Coca Cola 600 At Lowes Motor Speedway in Charlotte, NC. I missed Ya'll last week but I didn't see any sense in rankin a non-points race with only half of the field in the race, besides that I have a quart of milk in the fridge! So hold on here we go!

#1) 42 Juan Pablo Montoya: Due to equal opportunity clauses we must now rank one talented person from TTS's* in order to meet our quota and receive the abundance of government funding that makes Racer302 such a success!

*TTS- Teams That Suck

OK for real now:

#1) #48 Jimmie Johnson : Look I'm not biased, he's the best.(period). However, I wonder if that caution that Kyle brought out was arranged by Hendrick to give Jimmie the opportunity to get by Harvick on the restart, I guess Happy didn't get the memo( or didn't care!).

#2) #29 Kevin Harvick : Hey I'm not one to start superstitions, but, Maybe he should stick with that silver car cause next week he is back in big red shoes with the matching wig, I mean it looks like a MCD"S restaurant on wheels! ( I'll have better Harvick material next week, my uncle , a Harvick fan , makes me nervous about ragging Kevin cause he is a few fries short of a Happy meal if you know what I mean!)(my uncle not Kevin, Just in case the secret service is reading this.)

#3) #24 Jeff Gordon : He falls two spots this week basically because it looks like he has hit a slump since leaving Darlington!

#4) #17 Matt Kenseth : Speeding on pit lane , what a stupid rule , a speeding penalty at a race! Sooo Ahh Mr. Kenseth , Do you know why I pulled you over....

#5) #5 Kyle Busch : Did you see what Kyle said on Regis and Kelly this morning? Neither did I , Neither did 74,999,999 NASCAR Fans. ( come on you know his mom watched!)

#6) #2 Kurt Busch : After the Busch Brothers wreck Kurt said " I ain't gonna be buying Kellogg's for long time " Neither am I Kurt but your brother still has one hell of a ride so he's gonna be up front! By the way the difference between Kyle and Kurt is Kurt makes that car , but the car makes Kyle, think about that one for a while.

#7) #01 Mark Martin : This guy is gonna win a race this year, I guarantee it! He will end the year well within the top 35 in points so that next year when Dale Jr. rolls out in the No. 01 Bud car he won't have to worry about Qualifying for a couple races! What a coincidence the same year Dale takes the 01 to Budweiser , Regan Smith becomes legally able to drink!

#8) #20 Tooney Stewart : What can I say About Smooke? If there had been one more accident like the Busch boys had , and Jimmie had the same trouble Jeff had , well , he'd have won him the All star!!

#9) #8 Dale Jr. : So I change my mind now He's gonna drive the No.25 for Hendrick, but it will be all the 5 cars equipment, crew, and team members. Kyle , Casey Mears, and all of Casey's team members are all officially fired! I mean it's just what we had to do to afford the biggest name in NASCAR who has not won a race in about a full season, and only has a 2.5 race per year win average any way.

#10) #1 Martin Truex Jr. : Teresa to Max Segiel " What do you mean Jr. is quitting!?" , Max "That's right mam , Dale is leaving us." , Teresa " Oh S&!t For a minute there I actually thought you meant Martin!".

And this Weeks spoiler : #70 Johnny Sauter!! I've been Converted this boy would have spanked the field had these been actual races!!