Racer Rankins : Pocono ( Part Two)

All right, I'm sure you missed me, as I promised awesome pics of the burnout!! I was so glad for Martin. What is really funny is that his career has turned around since my five year old daughter chose him as her favorite driver. So I told her baby just remember daddy's business is your favorite! Daddy's web site is your favorite! Daddy's .....you get the point! Anyway let's get Rankin!

#6) #29 Kevin Harvick : Did you hear that Kevin was kidnapped Monday after the race? The situation was soon resolved when the real Ronald McDonald showed up for the kids birthday! Rusty was so was so embarrassed, but made up for it by letting Kevin take a few hot laps in Steve's Busch car!

#7) #17 Matt Kenseth : Everyone I talked to this week liked my joke about Matt and the apology in last weeks Rankins, only it was not a joke! Any way, I went to the De Walt trailer on Monday looking for a pink De Walt hat for my wife, they had none . The manager informed me that De Walt would not approve pink hats! Then on behalf of Matt and his crew he apologized for the inconvenience.

#8) #8 Dale Earnhardt Jr. : Visa announced this week that there was absolutely no truth whatsoever to the rumors that they would be sponsoring dale Jr. , they said by Golly they wish they were true, but there not! ( You gotta give me some credit for that one!)

#9) #01 Mark Martin : There was an article this week on NASCAR.com that said if Mark made the chase it would ruin NASCAR. I say Bull Hockey, NASCAR might be ruined if either one of the Busch brothers have a ride at the end of 08'.

#10) #7 Robby Gordon : No I'm not tryin to make amends for slamming his guys in my article "A day added to my race season", I' just tellin the truth. But you know what would be funny, if Jim Beam sponsored a race and all forty three drivers had to down a fifth in like ten minutes and then run the race! Of course it would only be funny till Paul Menard pulled into victory lane, What the....!

This weeks spoiler : Chad Mc Cumbee! Why you ask, cause I'm dieing to see a Petty car in victory lane one more time!

As always stay tuned , I could not write the article I promised on what I would do to Jamie McMurray for taking my bunny, the animal rights activists went nuts, which I don't understand, I did not threaten the bunny! ( I couldn't even catch the bunny, it runs faster then Jamie!)

Racer Rankins : Pocono (part one)

Sooo, While speculating that Dale JR could sign a $1,000,000,000.00 deal if he played his cards right it hit me that Racer Rankins were due. I wonder if the king of NASCAR is hiring for the position of court jester? I'd apply!

#1) #20 Denny Hamlin : they are racin the car of yesterday next weekend and Denny seemed to have it figured out at this track, However I wonder if he could go help UPS figure out where that package of mine they lost is , it's been missing about two years , ever since Dale Jarrett said he was gonna work for Mikey. I wonder if they used the $140.00 inside to get that race team started, it sure seems like it.

#2) #24 Jeff Gordon : Jeff said he is ready to step out of the car and let Mark Martin jump in if his wife Ingrid goes into labor at the end of June. I thought Celebrities scheduled things like this? I mean it's almost human that they would have natural child birth and that Jeff would rush home from work to see his daughter born. Jeff you're gonna have to work on your reputation buddy, you smooth , calculating , racing machine, you. Who's the Dad?

#3) #20 Tony Stewart : When interviewed last week after the incident with Kurt Busch, Tony said if Kurt had a problem he should take it up with him, in the pits! Look out everybody CAT FIGHT!!!

#4) #31 Jeff Burton : I guess RCR must have either bought a lot of orange paint in advance , or they just went ahead and painted em' all orange because they didn't think they would actually win the injunction against NASCAR. On a serious note about AT&T ( write it down that's the first and maybe only time you can see me call em' that!) if you go to Billoreilly.com and take his quiz AT&T will send the troops free phone cards!

#5) #48 Jimmie Johnson : yea , yea I know JJ has been down in the Rankins for a couple of weeks now, it's not my fault, keep finishing in the same position as Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s average career finish and you won't be in the Rankin's at all unless my wife drops Matt Kenseth for you!

Hey Y'all this is part one this morning , part two tonight , plus some awesome pictures coming from Martins burnout!!

A Day Added To My Race Season!

So I am sitting here watching you out my window! Yup the race is rained out and I should be sad but I am not , probably because of how much fun I have had this weekend and am having right now as I watch the thousands of race fans stream by my home. It's really cool to see all the people and their stickers, banners, and such. My Kids and I sit in the front window and wave to as many people as we can. Most folks seem sad or tired, maybe both! If you are reading this there is a good possibility that you went by my home and saw my sign, if you did, please take the time to drop me a line and say hi. It is important to me to know who you are and how I can help you with your next race visit. We are planning some really cool stuff, like a help line you can call to get directions or info on local entertainment, or maybe just a recommended restaurant! With that said let's recap some of my weekend so far!

#1) Kudos to the Delaware DOT for having a great traffic control plan! Thank-you to all the state and local police who were out in the rain doing their jobs! I have seen worse traffic flow problems when leaving church!

#2) Kudos to Dave Newman with Dollar General or KHI not sure which and I hope I got his name right! I met him on Fri. with the #77 Dollar General car at , you guessed it DG, he was a great Representative for KHI and while I'm at it I want to go ahead and give props to all the folks involved with KHI and/or RCR because out of all the visits I made ( three days worth now) I had the most fun , and was treated the best by these folks, including Jerry and his wife (Jerry tells me he was a pit crew member on Delana Harvicks dads car!), Dayna w/ Velocity Sports and Entertainment, and her Todd Bodine look alike side kick at the Holiday Inn hospitality tent. I wish I had got his name ( the Todd Bodine look alike), cause he was a lot of fun and a great sport! We crashed their tent, we weren't even invited and we rolled out with goodies!!!

#3) Now I'm sorry to have to do this but I must be honest, we went to the Extreme Night Club to see Robby Gordon's Car. Upon arriving I noticed that there were two guys working this display , both were playing the race simulator, neither one even took the time to acknowledge us despite the fact that we stood right behind them for a while ( we were the only ones there , now I know why). You don't know the effect this had on me, I have a lot of respect for Gordon, who is known as one of the most versatile racers out there, just for simply being willing to take on the challenge of running his own team and driving his own car. By the way the way the last owner/driver to win a championship was Alan Kulwicki, his car number was #7!

#4) Thumbs down to NASCAR: I Love NASCAR and they are the best sanctioning body out there no doubt , but , we knew on Saturday evening that there was a 90% chance of rain for sunday, why not put together a better contingency plan for rain. I know they are not in control of the weather , but they are in control of the plan! I sat at the house most of the morning waiting and watching The Speed Channel, but the race was not called till after I arrived at the track around 2:00 pm. I spent about three hours wandering the track and having fun talking to folks and snapping pictures, but here is my point, I live five minutes from the track, most of you don't, so let's have a better plan , sooner!

#5) Kudos to Juan Pablo Montoya . I'm not a JPM fan, period. However I think he is fun to watch because he has a free pass from NASCAR to do a little excessive "rubbin" and "bumpin" right now. I watched him take that boy out in the Busch race, I was right there , it was fun! I must give Chip Ganassi a huge thumbs down though, JPM is not gonna do well there unless Chip changes his team, it's been about five years since Sterling Marlin led the points, chip hasn't been a real contender since then, sorry JPM , you would be better off applying for Dale JR's old job! P.S. I ran into some of Juan's people and I told them to pass a message to Juan, " hit em' harder, the fans like that sort of thing!"

#6) Once again the biggest KUDOS go out to the fans, although it was wet and chilly , and most folks had to leave so they could make work on Monday, nobody was too bent out of shape or rioting , in fact, folks act worse when Jeff Gordon wins a race!

Please stay tuned because we are going to start a contest where you can win free race parking and a climate controlled shuttle to and from the next race!! Plus we have a new website gettin started and we want you to have some input on it!

Thanks,

Jeremy

Racer Rankins Dover!

Hey Ya'll Sorry we Are late this week! We are working on setting up an entirely new web site and it was supposed to launch by Wednesday, any way Mike Waltrip made the Field this week and I did not, Go figure!

Let's go rankin!

#1) #20 Tony Stewart - My wife is sitting here watchin him on the 200Th episode of track side live and says "you know he really seems OK!" to which I say "know when to say when" and take her beer away!

#2) #24 Jeff Gordon - The only Hendrick driver to qualify in the top 10 today, I guess the pressure of having a family and a baby on the way motivates Jeff, He's gotta find a way to make ends meet ya' know, look at where the rest of those Hendrick slackers with no family to support qualified!

#3) #17 Matt Kenseth - My friend saw Matt's picture for the first time today and says "Damn he's ugly", I guess they wear those helmets for more then just safety reasons. (sorry Kelli)

#4) #29 Kevin Harvick - On a serious note I met Jerry, A Gentleman who hauls one of Harvick's display cars, at Bargain Bills in laurel today. Being a RCR insider, I knew he'd have the Skinny on Dale Jr, The scoop?, Dale is going to TOYOTA , They pay great and you get weekends off!

#5) #8 Dale Jr. - Speaking of JR , Have you heard the latest about Him and Ginn Motor sports, Supposedly Kyle bush is joining him at Ginn next year. Ginn, Budweiser, and Busch, Sounds like a college dorm party! (P.S. go read my article "A Personal Personnel Change" I predicted a dark horse suitor for JR. )

#6) #48 Jimmie Johnson- Why so low in the rankins? Lowes did not have a display car out today , the rumor is they're running it in the race sunday, at least that is what Associate "Linda" said when I asked her why the "48" car was not on display.

#7) #31 Jeff Burton- I read where Alltel is re-thinking their associations since the success of AT&Cingulars' lawsuit, I'm not 100% sure of this but now that they know they can stay in the sport no matter what , they'll probably hire a real driver.

#8) #01 Mark Martin- Mark and Kenseth both love Dover so this could be a battle of former team mates, it doesn't matter which one would get it, you would hear the same basic apology for winning.

#9) #2 Kurt Busch- While I was out on display car tour today one of the hauler drivers pointed out that the #2 he had on display was a "Rusty Wallace " car , not Kurt Busch, which of course I knew because there was no #5 Kellogg's car sticking out the side of it!

#10) #5 Kyle Busch- As a fan of Hendrick Motor Sports I am sometimes embarrassed of kyle and what he says. So I was thinking next year at Dover instead of the "Autism Speaks 400" We could have the "Kyle Speaks 400: Together We Can Find A cure"

This weeks spoiler: Mikey Waltrip, It's been so long since he's been in a race he's liable to run right over somebody to get to victory lane! That's natural selection baby, the strong survive , the weak get run over!! See ya at the Pepsi hospitality tent, the Busch Race , and the Cup race on Sunday , I'll be the guy with Racer302 written on my shirt in sharpie!

Actions Detrimental to stock car racing!

OK so I chose green for a reason , I hereby fine NASCAR $75,000,000 . That is just $1.00 per fan or $37.5 million for each car owner who actually has a shot at hiring JR , But the points I am taking away will be devastating to their championship run this year for sure!
By now you are probably wondering where I am going with this. The answer to the second line is 2 , now pay attention! NASCAR has violated the rules of racing and it is time we took action.
Violation #1: The top thirty-five rule. I have never been a fan of this rule, mainly because I am a capitalist. I say don't give out racing welfare , if a team can't make it, then they can't make it! The sponsor will go some where else and give the money to a team that can. The part that really burns me is that now we have new manufacturer in the show and some of their cars are actually qualifying but not getting in! I don't really care to debate the whole "Toyota shouldn't be here thing" but I can tell you this they have qualified more then they have ran! I really slammed Tony Stewart about his comparison between NASCAR and the WWE , but the truth is the top thirty five rule as close to rigging the races as they can come and still get away with it right now!
So what is the solution? #1) If you are gonna have a race and only let 43 drivers in , then let the fastest forty three in and every one else goes home or #2) Let everyone who shows up race! I mean as long as they have a NASCAR licensed driver and equipment that is not a safety hazard let em' race! Look , NASCAR loves sponsors , so do we, if a company gives up some dough for for a third rate race team give em some air time! It could be funny, like this..." well Darrell, the FishGutz Fertilizer Ford Broke their own record this week and managed to finish the first lap! Let's see if we can get a word with that driver....." Seriously folks , sooner or later the market would regulate how many cars got into the race because sponsors (like Fishgutz) don't want to put big money toward 47Th place finishes!
Violation #2 : The past champion provisional. Why? If they are still active and trying to be the champ again let em fight their way in like the next guy line, or throw the limit out and say any past champ can race anytime, don't keep changing the rule every year to appease some political faction in NASCAR! Personally I think MWR got straight up screwed by NASCAR this season. There was unlimited champ provisionals last year then after DJ's signing they announced the limit. Here is how it should be: active drivers should all battle for a spot in the starting grid, then say Richard Petty gets a bug up his but and only running a race will get it out , go King Richard go! That would be awesome! Just have a certain amount of seasons a driver could sit out before qualifying for this type of provisional, and have all drivers declare their status each year so there would be no confusion.
Violation #3 : Nextel Vs AT&cingular. Once again, me capitalist you Jane! NASCAR should be begging AT&T for forgiveness over this one. Any time a corporate sponsor gets bought out and the new owner stays in our sport we should jump for joy! These days with the cost of sponsorship skyrocketing we should be unwavering supporters of those who dump boatloads of money into the sport so we can see our favorite guy turn left 150 times in a row!
Anyway tune in next time and you'll see what I would have done to Jamie McMurry for taking my Bunny!

Racer Rankins for Coca Cola 600

Welcome to Racer Rankins for the Coca Cola 600 At Lowes Motor Speedway in Charlotte, NC. I missed Ya'll last week but I didn't see any sense in rankin a non-points race with only half of the field in the race, besides that I have a quart of milk in the fridge! So hold on here we go!

#1) 42 Juan Pablo Montoya: Due to equal opportunity clauses we must now rank one talented person from TTS's* in order to meet our quota and receive the abundance of government funding that makes Racer302 such a success!

*TTS- Teams That Suck

OK for real now:

#1) #48 Jimmie Johnson : Look I'm not biased, he's the best.(period). However, I wonder if that caution that Kyle brought out was arranged by Hendrick to give Jimmie the opportunity to get by Harvick on the restart, I guess Happy didn't get the memo( or didn't care!).

#2) #29 Kevin Harvick : Hey I'm not one to start superstitions, but, Maybe he should stick with that silver car cause next week he is back in big red shoes with the matching wig, I mean it looks like a MCD"S restaurant on wheels! ( I'll have better Harvick material next week, my uncle , a Harvick fan , makes me nervous about ragging Kevin cause he is a few fries short of a Happy meal if you know what I mean!)(my uncle not Kevin, Just in case the secret service is reading this.)

#3) #24 Jeff Gordon : He falls two spots this week basically because it looks like he has hit a slump since leaving Darlington!

#4) #17 Matt Kenseth : Speeding on pit lane , what a stupid rule , a speeding penalty at a race! Sooo Ahh Mr. Kenseth , Do you know why I pulled you over....

#5) #5 Kyle Busch : Did you see what Kyle said on Regis and Kelly this morning? Neither did I , Neither did 74,999,999 NASCAR Fans. ( come on you know his mom watched!)

#6) #2 Kurt Busch : After the Busch Brothers wreck Kurt said " I ain't gonna be buying Kellogg's for long time " Neither am I Kurt but your brother still has one hell of a ride so he's gonna be up front! By the way the difference between Kyle and Kurt is Kurt makes that car , but the car makes Kyle, think about that one for a while.

#7) #01 Mark Martin : This guy is gonna win a race this year, I guarantee it! He will end the year well within the top 35 in points so that next year when Dale Jr. rolls out in the No. 01 Bud car he won't have to worry about Qualifying for a couple races! What a coincidence the same year Dale takes the 01 to Budweiser , Regan Smith becomes legally able to drink!

#8) #20 Tooney Stewart : What can I say About Smooke? If there had been one more accident like the Busch boys had , and Jimmie had the same trouble Jeff had , well , he'd have won him the All star!!

#9) #8 Dale Jr. : So I change my mind now He's gonna drive the No.25 for Hendrick, but it will be all the 5 cars equipment, crew, and team members. Kyle , Casey Mears, and all of Casey's team members are all officially fired! I mean it's just what we had to do to afford the biggest name in NASCAR who has not won a race in about a full season, and only has a 2.5 race per year win average any way.

#10) #1 Martin Truex Jr. : Teresa to Max Segiel " What do you mean Jr. is quitting!?" , Max "That's right mam , Dale is leaving us." , Teresa " Oh S&!t For a minute there I actually thought you meant Martin!".

And this Weeks spoiler : #70 Johnny Sauter!! I've been Converted this boy would have spanked the field had these been actual races!!

A Personal Personnel Change

This morning at JR Motorsports headquarters Dale Earnhardt Jr. announced that he would not be working for DEI next season but he does not have another ride at this point. There is so many things I can say about this that I have to work hard at keeping it pertinent and organized.
Let me start here, Dale JR made the right decision! Teresa Earnhardt was only interested in living off of the legacy that Dale Sr. created and not helping Dale JR. to make a legacy of his own. I hate to be the one to point this out but DEI has never had a stable full of championship contenders. As a matter of fact you have to give a boat load of credit to Dale and Tony for accomplishing the things that they have with what was given to them. I think if you really look closely at what she is doing over there it looks more like Branson, MO or Dollywood. First she goes to Hollywood for an executive? She brings back Max Seigal, an entertainment guy, and we are supposed to put our faith in him to build a race team that will go championship hunting? Then the first thing they announce is that the are opening an "entertainment" division. I could go on and on but I promise the first thing that is on her mind is not JR.
Now everybody thinks this going to start a bidding war, it is , but not like you think. The bids are not going to be in cash and higher driver pay percentages, they are going to be in engines, shocks , and winning cars that will carry JR to the championship that he is desperately seeking so he can justify his NASCAR car existence to himself, the fans don't need that justification. Let's face it despite the fact that Dale said in his news conference that he had to be in a position to take care of his mom when that time came , money is not the problem, lack of championships are.
I really felt bad for JR today at his news conference. He looked like a fish out of water and made so many references to his sister that I wondered if he has to ask her permission to breathe. Which really is my third point anyway. I don't trust Kelly. I actually wondered for a minute if she was not using Dale to get revenge on Teresa for something. I'm really not sure what qualifies her to guide his business not that it is any of mine, but I would damn sure hate to see Dale become a laughing stock because his trust in her is less than safe.
Where is he going? Don't put all of your money on one of the big three Chevy teams until we see a little more unfold. Just remember a couple of things here: #1) I really think JR needed to just get this off his chest, #2) At the beginning of the season Anheiser Busch sent NASCAR looking elsewhere for a new sponsor for the Busch series, saying that they were in the process of redirecting there racing sponsorship dollars. I may be really stretching it but I think there may be a dark horse team out there with some key factors in place that Dale JR would trust to help him win and Budweiser's money would secure that notion!
There is still so much more to unfold here in this saga. I am sure I will be writing about it more then I actually want too, However let me say one thing I would not be surprised if one day Dale just moved to an Island and never came back! So much is expected of this man that it really might not be possible to please everyone, and I have to say , I would not blame him, Go Dale , Go!

Racer Rankins

Recently, due to the loss of some staff , the website that used to put out my favorite driver rankings started to suck out loud. Really loud , so I decided to start my own to see just how hard it is to make the rankings amusing, because that's what I liked about them! So here is the inaugural edition (that's the first ones for some of ya'll-you know who you are)

Racer Rankins:

#1) #24 Jeff Gordon : For the obvious reasons, to piss off all you Earnhardt fans! He's hot and when he's on a roll it's hard to stop him!

#2) #48 Jimmie Johnson: just to rub salt in the wounds of those left sore from #1. But he is so consistent, and the funny thing is he is even consistent in the area of improvement (Richmond anybody?) he could get #5 at the lady in black!

#3) #29 Kevin Harvick: Because I need to prove I aint got anything against bald people! True story: I was in the NASCAR store that is in Spence's Bazaar in Dover , Delaware, and the owner is talking to me and showing me different stuff for sale when we start talkin about who our favorite driver is , and he kinda tilts his head down and raises his hat slightly to reveal his bald spot then announces that he is a #29 fan, I acknowledged , but I so badly wanted to say "did ya get that there bald spot from the Harvick fan club?". You really should visit his store when you come to the Monster Mile, e-mail me and I'll get you his info.

#4) #2 Kurt Busch : Why ? Because not all rankins can be satirical and/or humorous! Really , this guy is a racer and he will put Penske back on the map. Besides I do think he is quicker now that his ears are pinned back , maybe kyle would have a championship now if he followed his brother to the cosmetic surgeon!

#5) #17 Matt Kenseth : I must keep him in the rankins no matter what if I want to live! If you don't like it , You talk to my wife! By the way I just bought a autographed Matt Kenseth poster with a real car on it , a Monte Carlo , think about it!

#6) #5 Kyle Busch: I am not a huge Busch brothers Fan but you can't deny that they can race, you also can't deny that if kyle did not get a job racin he would be on the welfare or asking "want fries wit that?" , so you think I'm a jerk , I did not jump out of the COT after winning the race and say how much it sucks! If you are still not convinced just watch any interview with him!

#7) #20 Tooney Stewart: it really pains me to rank him in the top ten, but facts are stupid things (Ronald Regan said that) , Tooney is a winner, and no fat puns will be allowed to fly here , but I must give you some food for thought : Subway pulls out off Roush and hires Tooney to do all those commercials did it really cost em' that much?

#8) #31 Jeff Burton: He is on the mark and it ain't no fluke , and I think if they take a page out of Princes book (the singer not Kyle Petty) they can solve their sponsor problem, they can just put the AT&T colors on the car but where they would normally put the sponsors name put: "The Cell phone Company formally known as Cingular"! We'll get it!

#9) #07 Clint Boyer: I don't think Jack Daniels could have found a better driver to represent them! He looks mean , he races hard, I think he's the one who kicked my ass in that bar two summers ago.( I should have known what type of place that was!)

#10) #8 Dale JR.: Look I am sorry to all you JR fans but this ain't gonna be his year. He's gonna win a couple , His popularity will grow but he is busy tryin to figure out where to take Budweiser next year, he must take a page out of Gordon's book : ride it out till you're settled then with your mind clear, go kick ass baby! On the lighter side instead of demanding 51% you should have just married her and if things did not work out then you know you got at least 50% !

The Spoiler: This week it is #11 Denny Hamlin , I'm glad he did not win at Richmond just cause I don't like sappy hometown hero wins the race stories, but look out this kid means business, I hear they have more money to spend on the car because they ship the pit crew overnight to the race with Fed-ex!

Ain't no way : Greg Biffle will win , put your money elsewhere folks!

Honorable mention: Ricky Craven, I was so sorry to see that tide go out!

C-YA next week!

MY Wife is a HMS conspiracy believer

MY Wife is a HMS conspiracy believer. I was shocked! I mean even though she likes , or maybe loves Matt Kenseth I never held that against her, but now I'm fearful of what could happen to us.
Here is how it unfolded. I was online reading about racin and we were talking (about Racin) , it was just after the race ( Richmond 5/06/07) , and it was just like a knife thrust right into my back she said "I think NASCAR did give HMS the inside track to the COT" . I could feel the cold blood running down my back. Let me explain, I have been a Jimmie Johnson fan since day one! All my friends were taking rookies as their drivers and I hated Mike skinner , So when I found out that Jeff Gordon had got the Lowes sponsorship away from Skinners bunch(he sucks don't sneer at me Dale Sr. didn't even like him!) I jumped on board. I took a gamble on Jeff being able to teach a guy who would listen and apply said teachings. You see, JJ was not a Busch series super star like Dale Jr. or Mark Martin, this was more than just a lucky break for him it was a miracle! That is why I gambled , I'm a risk taker, and It was worth it ! JJ has given me more success then any other driver out there has given their fans. He's just that good!
By the way so is Jeff Gordon, and so is Kyle Busch (another driver low on my list!) and Casey Mears will be once they get the loosing ways of Gannassi out of him IF HE WILL LISTEN AND BE TEACHABLE!
Look everything in this world rises and falls on leadership! Rick Hendrick is one heck of a leader , you don't get 100 car dealerships and a top tier NASCAR team by not being one. So is Jack Roush! By the way guys you know what is funny , I did not hear the conspiracy theories floating around when he took up half the chase field , just "oh my Gosh that guy is so talented!"
I am simply saying that there is no conspiracy , that is a idea put forth by losers (Tony Stewart) who can't justify their own failures and don't want to give props to those who have earned them!
So I'll keep you posted on the state of my marriage ( I now sleep with one eye open) , and some other stuff I got coming up for you like-- letting guys start in the position they actually qualified for, you know when you let people race who did not qualify that is "actions detrimental to stock car racing" ! -- and-- BDR & Blaney are you surprised , I'm not!